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Love and Sex
According to most TV shows and movies, love and sex go
hand in hand. But in the real world, it’s not always
true: Sex doesn’t equal love. You
may want to have sex to prove your emotional commitment,
but your partner may be interested only in sex, not you.
And if you have sex, you may end up feeling hurt and used.
Sex can’t “save” a relationship. Mature
relationships are built on mutual trust and respect. Having
sex won’t make a relationship work. In fact, couples
that have sex resulting in a pregnancy often break up because
they can’t handle the demands of parenting. Even when
there is no pregnancy, young couples lack the commitment
to stay together when problems arise. Sex won’t make
you popular. Your friends should like and respect you for
who you are, not because you’re willing to have sex.
True friends won’t pressure you to have sex.
Love should never be used to pressure or manipulate someone
into having sex. In fact, having sex to prove your love
for someone is one of the worse mistakes anyone can make.
When someone attempts to pressure you into having sex the
typical line is, “if you loved me you would.”
One response could be, “if you loved me, you wouldn’t.”
Sexual pressure is a sure sign that the motivation is lust
rather than love because someone who loves you would never
pressure you into doing anything against your will.
It’s also helpful to have discussions about your
goals and beliefs as your relationship develops rather than
waiting until things get heated before mentioning your decision
to delay sexual involvement. It is much easier to have a
friendship that is based upon mutual respect when you have
clearly expressed your desires to each other. Your personal
decision to delay sexual activity does not have to limit
your ability to show you care. There are five tips that
will help you develop a strong relationship:
- Learn about each other:
Conversations will help to uncover both the obvious and
the not so obvious details about each other’s likes
and dislikes, as well as individual goals and priorities.
- Take the time to show you care:
Expressing your concern for a friend does not have to
be a physical experience.
Remembering birthdays and other special dates along with
sharing a favorite meal are creative ways to show you
care.
- Encourage and support each other:
Everyone needs encouragement, especially during difficult
times. Take the time
to share an inspirational card or leave an upbeat message
on their answering machine just to let them know that
you believe in their ability to come through this difficult
time.
- Maintain existing relationships:
Getting to know a new friend can become so exciting that
the existing friendships are put on the back shelf. A
true sign of a healthy relationship is your ability to
maintain the strength of existing relationships. Give
each other space to spend time with other people, including
family and friends. Believe it or not, you also need time
for yourself. When you spend quiet time alone, you have
time to plan and assess your feelings.
- Send an e-card or text message:
Why not take advantage of technology and use the email
system to stay in touch with close friends. A text message
or e-card is a simple way to keep the lines of communication
open. With busy schedules, after-school activities, and
homework, sending an e-card or text message is a quick
and easy way to show someone you care.
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